This can be hard. Kids learn that there is only one way a sibling comes into their house and that is as a baby.
Think about how you were told where your brother or sister came from. Think about how you talked about it with your friends. It almost always involved the mother being pregnant and a baby coming home at some point.
Think about how it would look if you were 2 and then another 2 year old came to visit and then never left.
If you are reading this and are not considering adoption, can I ask you a favor? Can you share with your kids about all the ways families are made? Through step parents, fostering, adopting, biological….all of the ways! The more we talk about this as a society, the better!
If you are considering adoption, this is most definitely a conversation to have. Helping your children understand that God has many different ways of putting together a family and they all look different.
Many people asked us the question, “But what about your other kids?” We knew going into each time we brought another child in our house that there was a chance it would not be forever. We spent time explaining that to our children and being open to any questions that they have.
During the first few months of transition (when children have come in and when they have gone out), it is important to spend that quality time with each of your children. Go ahead and plan individual dates with them. Let them ask questions. Be real. Tell them things will look different. Tell them that you don’t know all the details. Your kids don’t want the entire plan but they want to be included.
Here are just some practical points to discuss with your children.
If you are considering adoption, here are a few conversations to have with the children already in your house:
- Explain the different ways children can join families.
- Share with them why you feel God has called your family to bring in other children.
- Allow them to ask any and all questions (I like to go ahead and lead with some hard ones like – will I have to share my room? What if I don’t want to share my family with anyone else?)
If you are not considering adoption but want to talk with your children about it, I would encourage these points:
- Explain the different ways children can join families.
- Share with them that each friend they meet has a story and it may not be like theirs. That is perfectly fine and we love that God has given each of us a different story.
- Don’t just assume that every friend they have has a mother and father in their lives. AND then don’t assume that they only have 1 of each!
And then I will say this – kids get this WAY better than adults do. They love others because they are supposed to love. They don’t really care how their new brother or sister came into the family. The older they are, the harder it might be to adjust but they are able to process through it with you a little better.
To sum it up – just listen, be honest, and spend quality time with all of the kiddos in your care! Point them to Jesus and keep on loving others!!!
