Today was the day we had been waiting for. Today was coming early than we had all planned but today was the day Will would be born. I wish I could say that I woke up super excited and happy. Instead I woke up consumed with worry and fear. I immediately started second guessing our decision and if it was the best one. I felt sick to my stomach (not sure if that was due to lack of food and drink or what!)
The C-section was scheduled for 12:30pm. That was a LONG time to wait when you are up at 8am (thank God for ambien again and a decent night of sleep). Doctors were coming in and out making sure everything was good to go and trying to reassure me that all would be okay. They began prepping the room for baby and for my surgery. Lots of things were coming in and lots of things that I had no idea what they would be used for. One nurse explained to me that as soon as Will was born to not be alarmed if he did not cry immediately or if she did not say anything. She would be concerned with making sure all was well with him and then would let me know as soon as she could an update. Part of me is always excited to know every step of the plan but this was just confirming to me the chances that he was not going to be okay.
Then the moment hit me that I had been worrying all about Will and that they still did not know exactly what was wrong with me. Am I in danger? I immediately made sure that my living will was in my chart and that Matt knew what he was to do. You know – making sure I had a plan in place – are you surprised? I had been worried for weeks about what would happen to Will but we had never talked about if something happened to me. Scary.
Through all this, my parents and Matt’s parents starting making their way to the hospital. Then I had our kids minister from church, Vickie, arrive with my best friend, Laura, to pray with me around 9am. Seriously – the sweetest prayer time I have ever experienced. BUT this also just made me completely lose it. All of the worry and doubt came flooding back. Both of my sweet friends reminded me that God was right there with me and with Will.
After hours of waiting and lots of pain (I could not have any pain medication because they wanted to make sure all of his vitals were not because of having some of my pain meds), the time finally came. I kissed my mom and told her that I loved her and did the same with Matt even though I knew I would see him in a few minutes. The walk to the OR was super painful and what I felt was like walking 3 miles! When we got into the OR I was met by the sweet anesthesiologist that was there when I had Elizabeth. His name was Dean and he was a God-send (I later found out that he was the father of one my sweet friends that was in our community group – coincidence?? I don’t believe in those!). As soon as he gave me the epidural and spinal tap, I was given instant relief of all of the pain I was experiencing. They allowed me to sit there for a few minutes just so I could enjoy a pain free moment! It was EXACTLY what I needed.
Then they started preparing the OR for me and for Will. I guess I didn’t pay attention to all of that with Elizabeth or there was just more “stuff” in there this time. Well…then my blood pressure bottomed out which made me feel yuck for a little bit. Then all of the doctors and the nurses started filing in and introducing themselves to me. I felt like I was in a whirlwind. People moving all around and I was lying still…helpless…out of control. I remember praying so hard that God would just show up in that OR and make it ever so clear to me that He was there. I needed to believe that He was there and was going to take care of us.
They started the C-section and then allowed Matt to come into the OR (my dad was already in there – thank GOD he decided long ago to become a pediatrician!!). I remember looking at both my dad and Matt and seeing the worry and concern in their eyes (which was easier to see when the masks cover everything but the eyes). Then pain came back again. This time it was because I could feel everything they were doing on my left side. Dean gave me some more medication but said it would take 3 minutes for it to kick in. So for a very long 3 minutes the pain continued. I remember thinking that I might just have pain for the rest of my life and I would have to just deal with it…and then the medicine kicked in!!
After only a few minutes but what felt like an eternity, Will was born…..AND HE SCREAMED!!! I have never thought that the sound of a cry would mean so much to me. We all started crying. This was what we were all so worried about – his lungs. He came out and let us know that his lungs were working just fine. Dr. Brawley, the neonatologist jokingly said he was going to lunch and started walking out! We were so glad to not need his services!
They cleaned him up a little and ran his stats and then he was able to come and lay with me until they were done! This was something that I never thought was going to happen. At that very moment as I was holding my baby, tears streaming down my face, I heard this sweet sweet voice of God that simply whispered “I am here”. He was there. In everything, He. Was. There.
As I was holding Will, my doctor asked me if I wanted to know what they found. Of course I said YES! I wanted to know what all this pain had been about for the last few weeks. I was so worried they were going to tell me that they didn’t know what caused it, or that it was all in my head, or that we just brought this child into the world early simply because I don’t have a high pain tolerance.
She told me none of those things….
She said that my uterus was so thin that she barely had to touch it to make the incision. I later found out that it was so thin that she thought she had cut Will’s foot when she made the incision. After that she was still dumfounded and said that with uterine ruptures there are no warning signs. She still couldn’t figure out why I was in pain.
I knew the reason why – GOD. God knew that I needed to be in that hospital because that was the safest place for both Will and me. He knew that Will needed to be born on June 23 instead of July 23. He knew me and knew that I would not take it easy unless made to. HE KNEW EVERYTHING.
My sweet miracle weighed 5 pounds 9 ounces and was completely healthy. He did not have to spend one second in the NICU. He was perfect. He was God’s sweet reminder of His promises to me and definitely an answer to many prayers.
It wasn’t until weeks later that God started teaching me even more through this experience…..
