Wednesday
Thank GOD for Wednesday!! Quest Staff was celebrating our Student Minister’s 30th Birthday and they surprised him by having a birthday party for him a Chucky Cheese. One of my friends is also on staff and she kept me updated with play by play texts and pictures. I cannot remember laughing that hard in a long time! My heart was filled with joy.
God knew I needed a break in the midst of this storm. He gave it me in the form of text messaging and pictures but He reminded me that so many good things can happen even while we are in those storms.
Later that night, I received a text and I will forever save. It came from our children’s minister and also just dear friend and mentor. She simply sent this: “God will turn our temporary pain into eternal gain. And that’s the rewards we are after”
I also had no idea how much I would cling to this quote later…..
Thursday
God must have known I needed Wednesday in order to deal with Thursday. I woke up in a great deal of pain and my pain level never went down. This was extremely discouraging because I was still praying that I would wake up one day in no pain and be able to go home. This was the complete opposite of my prayers.
In the midst of the pain, goodness came. It came in the form of a sweet nurse that came in and let me know that I could come off all the monitors and my IV could come out. YAY!! I was finally free (well..sorta…but I would take what I could get!!). I cannot even begin to tell you how this helped me mentally. There was something glorious about not being hooked up to anything! I think it also gave me a false sense of security that everything was really not as bad as the doctors were thinking. I later learned that my doctor was very much against taking me off everything but the high risk doctor assured her it would be okay.
By this time, the amount of visitors had started decreasing so it left more time for Matt and I to work on some things for the Belize Youth Camp he would be leading in several weeks. It was great to get my mind off things. The problem was that we were able to do everything in a short amount of time so it left more down time for me to start surfing the internet. Self-diagnosing is a bad thing. Searching the internet for other people that have had similar situations – BAD IDEA. Searching about preemie babies – ANOTHER BAD IDEA.
My brain would not shut off. I could not think of many positive things. Honestly, I missed out on seeing so many blessings from this point forward because I was so preoccupied with all of the “what ifs”. I started doubting the plan. I doubted my doctor’s abilities. I doubted if I could wait 4 more days. I doubted if Will would survive. I seriously doubted that God would take care of Will and me.
That is a scary place to be in when the God that you have trusted and loved for the majority of your life becomes the person you doubt the most. His promises slowly became not for me. I knew His words in my head but they were slowly fading from my heart…..
The Weekend:
The weekend was quite possibly the longest weekend of my entire life. Matt and I tried to pass the time by creating documents for the Belize trip, playing cards, and watching movies. On Saturday, he was able to spend the day with Elizabeth and also spent the night at the house. This was so important to us because she had been with Matt’s parents for this entire time. What broke my heart was when she told Matt and I that she wasn’t going to stay at our house until “mommy was home”. Luckily, she was easily convinced with some bribing to go đŸ™‚
I spent Saturday watching Lifetime and just enjoying being alone for a little bit. Funny thing was that it was apparently the weekend to show every crazy pregnant movie on Lifetime. I was at least able to laugh about the irony of it all.
Since it was just me in the room, I was able to talk more with my nurses. I had one nurse who was just absolutely incredible. She must have known on that Saturday that I just needed someone to talk with (that was not family or friends). She stayed in my room for almost an hour as we just talked about everything from kids to church. She made me feel so at ease about what was going to happen on Monday and then she assured me she would see me on Wednesday for when I was going to be going home WITH my baby. Her positive thinking and attitude was exactly what I needed.
So many times it is so easy to get sucked into the negative thinking and worry. The closer the days were getting to Will’s BIRTHday, the more I was being sucked in. So thankful for her spirit and words on that day to start changing my thoughts.
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Sunday
Normally I look forward to Sundays. Actually, they are my favorite day of the week. I get to spend the mornings with my larger family at church and I am able to be filled back up with the Spirit in order to start my week again. This Sunday I was longing to be there…to sing the songs…to hear His promises, to hear the message, to hug people, to talk to people, to be OUT OF THIS HOSPITAL. I wanted my normal life back again.
All I remember about Sunday was that it felt like it lasted for an eternity. I was looking at the clock so much (actually…the clock broke at one time which sent me into panic – no worries, the nurse fixed it immediately!).
When we let worry consume us, time stands still. We are not able to enjoy the time we are given. Oh the many lessons God taught me during this….
Tomorrow was the day I was dreading and excited about!
