Over the years, I have had a great deal of experience with anxiety. From people that I work with and counsel, to my own issues, and then with friends and family, I have seen and dealt with anxiety a good bit.
I felt like I had a pretty good handle on adult anxiety but I never knew or understood what it looked like in children…until my son was in PreK.
Nothing made sense. One day he started tearing apart the classroom and physically harming kids and his teachers. We could not pinpoint any triggers. It was frustrating. It was heartbreaking. It was scary.
We went to doctors. We went to therapists. We did all of it. None of it made sense until we did an anxiety assessment. I was shocked. The way he answered questions. The weight of the things that were going on in his mind.
And then I realized something – when I start to get anxious, I feel like I want to scream and throw things. But the difference between me and him is that I know that I can’t do that so instead I run or clean (and let’s be honest, sometimes scream).
But his anxiety was different. His is separation anxiety. This is what blew my mind. I imagined this like a baby. They cry and scream when you try and leave. This was not my son. But he was terrified that something would happen to me while I was away from him. And so when these feelings come up, he destroys things.
I share this with you to say this – anxiety looks different in different ages and in different people. I do think there are other things going on within my son as well but this one makes the most sense at the moment. So, when trying to parent or be a spouse or friend to someone who reacts differently than you, I encourage you to press in. Ask more questions. Don’t take the behavior personally. Work at it and find solutions. Do not give up! We have tried so many different things. Some worked for a while and others didn’t work.
Here are some helpful things that have worked for us:
- Find a pediatrician who understands mental health in children.
- Find an advocate in the school system.
- Talk, talk, talk to your child and then listen. Listen to what is being said. Listen to what is not being said. Keep letting them know that you are listening.
- Try lots of different things and do NOT give up on trying anything and everything.
- On the hardest days, remember that the behavior is not personal against you. It is a reaction to thoughts and feelings that they just don’t know what to do with it.
- Trust your mama’s heart.
What has been your experience with anxiety? What has worked for you or your kids? Please leave it in the comments!
