Typically, we usually hear from a lot of women on adoption. Their perspectives. Their share of joys and sorrows. But I am reminded that there is another side. Another perspective. One that needs to be told. I am so excited for you to hear from Gabe. A dad of the 3 amazing kiddos and their story is pretty incredible. Here is his story:
Hello there, my name is Gabe and I am going to give you the dad’s perspective on adoption. Honestly, I never considered adoption much until my wife and I had fertility issues. In 2012, we did two IUI rounds and a round of IVF, but none of these were successful. It was around this point that we decided that it might not be meant for us to have biological children but we still felt like we were meant to be parents. Since we had room and the means, we decided to attempt to foster but while we were in the classes to become licensed, I got orders to deploy. We put licensing on hold and would pick it up when I got back.
While I was deployed, we got an assignment to South Korea. Almost immediately, my amazing wife, Kristine, started researching adoption opportunities while stationed overseas. Once we arrived in Korea in February 2013, we started looking more in-depth at which countries we wanted to adopt from and qualified for, which agencies worked in those countries, and which agencies would also work with US Military stationed overseas. We ended up choosing to adopt from Ethiopia with an agency called Small World Adoptions. The agency lined up with what we needed and they are a Christian agency, which was great for us.
Once we decided on an agency and country, we got started on all the paperwork. I lucked out and married someone who loves to do paperwork. Kristine spent a lot of time completing everything and within a month of everything, a social worker came for our Home Study visit. I knew we would be alright but I still got nervous during the visit. Everything went fine and a month or so later, we had our finalized Home Study to adopt from Ethiopia.
Once we got everything we needed and sent to our agency, adoptions from Ethiopia, at least with our agency halted. We had to wait and see at this point. After a few months of praying and waiting, we decided to switch countries to a brand-new program in Lesotho (I bet you never heard of that. I didn’t either until then.) This program was just getting started so we knew we’d have to wait a bit.
In mid-2014, we started discussing adopting an older child (we were originally hoping for under 2 years old) and if we could adopt from South Korea while stationed in South Korea. Low and behold, as He always does, God has bigger plans. In July 2014, we took custody of a 3-year-old boy named Mingyu. We were set to adopt him privately in South Korea. Our battle in the courts, with the legal system, was a long and winding road, but eventually, in January 2018, we were legally made his parents.
While researching countries adoption requirements, we learned that China requires both parents to be over 30. We always sort of planned to pursue an adoption from China since their program is the most established and usually the quickest to get through. We just had to wait for Kristine to get a little older. Once we got close to her 30th birthday, we started the process of adopting from China. We started working on the Home Study and began looking at our agency’s waiting child list. We only ever looked at one file of a child on that list, and as I write this, that boy is upstairs building some kind of Lego city. That summer, our agency was doing a mission trip to two orphanages in China to advocate for the children and donate some much-needed supplies. At the first orphanage Kristine was paired with a little girl for the duration of their visit. At some point, they all took the kids back to their hotel and Kristine and I facetimed. I specifically remember asking her “are we adopting her too?” We did. She’s upstairs right now too.
After that, it was a waiting game. And to me, the waiting is the worst part of the adoption. Waiting on your agency, the courts, the government (either US or China), or for some piece of paper work early in the process. It is all worth it in the end.
Kristine and her mom went to China in February 2017 to pick up Maela and Everett. I met them in the Seoul Airport so we could fly back to the US to get their passports and make them US citizens. I will never have an airport trip like that one. Meeting them for the first time there is a top 3 moment of my life. I spent the previous 3 weeks video chatting with them but it was so great to finally hold them in my arms.
After our 5-day trip to the US, we returned to South Korea to begin life as a family of 5. It has been an amazing ride, and like most rollercoasters, there have been a lot of ups and downs. I would not trade it for anything in the world. Growing up, I never thought about adopting, but now, I cannot imagine building my family any other way. These kids are amazing and I am better for being their dad.
